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Bunny Usurped by Purpled Burp
Live Feed Summary for Wednesday, July 4, 2007
CBS's eighth season of "Big Brother" is now upon us and the Bunny
is livid. Why? Because it's the Year of the
Bully - and BB is taking its role as the "Biggest Baddest
Browbeat of "Em All" very, very seriously. He's coming out
with his dukes up and he's coming after me.
That's right. BB has decided to use its Bully theme as an
excuse to pick on the Bun. Li'l ol' sweet, wonderful Bun.
How do I know? The evidence speaks for itself.
In case you haven't noticed, I've changed the color of my
website. Long-time readers are no doubt aghast at the
alteration, knowing as they do how much the Bunny hates the color
purple - which has nothing to do with Fantasia's Broadway debut
and everything to do
with the toilet-hugging after-effects of
a sloshy New Year's Eve drowning oneself
in Purple Hooter Shooters.
And yet, knowing of my disdain for all things amethyst, BB
- in a powerful "Take that!" punch - has ordered
its set decorators to buy buckets and buckets of brussel-sprout
tinted paint to coat the new BB house in puh...puh....I can't even
say it.
They are trying to force Violet down my throat at every turn
and I'm not talking about the adorable daughter of Ben Affleck and
Jennifer Garner although you have to admit that we're seeing way too
much of HER these days, too.
No, I'm getting bullied in the hallway:
I'm getting beat up in the bedroom:
I'm being held hostage on Eviction nights when my entire TV
screen will be filled up with nominees languishing on
the lavender couch:
The houseguests are going to feel like they've eaten Gilbert
Grape.
I know what you're thinking. "They're not trying to hurt
you, Bunny. They just have more gay guys than usual this season and
you know how much those people love pastels."
But you would be wrong. Secret purple messages have been
coming to me via email for the past month. Things like "Prince
says hello!" and "You're plum crazy!" and one containing a song
attachment that has Barney singing "I love you, you love me, we all
love a good purple-hull pea."
Nope, BB is behind it, and you and I both know it.
But you know what? I won't let them win. Just
as the victims of bullying will rise up this season and face their
enemies, so shall I. The Bunny will face her fear
of fushcia. She will no longer be licked by lilac.
Join her as she bravely eradicates the enemy that is indigo and
in-bloom iris.
Nope, I will stare down the purple that petrifies me. Right
here, right now.
Thus, this website.
Purple haze all in your brain.
Take that! CBS set decorators. How do you like
me now, painters and paperers? I'll never let a brother get me
down. Not even one as big as you.
Hoppy tinted trails,
House photos courtesy of TVClubhouse
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Curiouser and Curiouser
Live Feed Summary for Thursday, July 5, 2007
The feeds were turned on at 9pm Pacific Time tonight after the
houseguests had been residents for a few days. They opened to
a hot tub scene with most of the players soaking and sharing their
feelings about the first few days in the house.
Readily apparent was the fact that someone isn't doing
her part to keep the textile industry in flux.
That's Jen and you might recall that she enjoys lady-on-lady
bullriding. I'm afraid all that buckaroo booty
motion has taken its toll - it's plain to see that one of
her buttocks has now grown larger than the other. That's what
happens when you clinch them trying to stay on the bull. You
don't even realize that you might be tightening one side really,
really hard while the other is just allowed to flop. Before
you know it, the flopper has swollen to twice its size. It's
been a problem for rodeo clowns for years; hence, their baggy
pants.
We've learned that Eric is America's Player and the audience will
be able to control his game play. I think he'll be the perfect
guy to pull this off since it will require being able to sneak
around and hide. The fact that he's a leprechaun will make
this a snap.
Here he is after America helps him win the pot of gold:
The first Head of Household competition has been held, as well as
the first Food Challenge. Kail is the season's first HOH.
In her hand is a green snake she pulled out of Evil Dick's
ear.
Some of the HGs are on slop, including Jameka and
Joe. Jameka is the school counselor who says she's never been
around white people.
I guess they don't have any at her school or her grocery store or
at the mall where she shops or at her local movie theater or the
Walmart. If it's difficult for you to understand how she
feels, I can explain.
 Say you were building a snowman, and you
roll this massive amount of snow into a huge ball for the bottom,
then another enormous ball for the torso, and then another big ball
for the head. That's a lot of white. You follow the
traditional Snowman Building Guide and use two pieces of charcoal
for his eyes, a carrot for his nose, but you use red jelly beans for
his mouth because they look more alluring than the recommended
raisins. You're going for "kissable."
You go back in the house to get the corncob pipe, the top hat,
and the scarf and when you return, you see that some rabbit has
swiped the carrot, which of course, was bound to happen as soon as
you weren't looking. Then you see that the red jelly
beans have gotten all wet and now your snowman's mouth looks
more like a clown mouth than a snowman mouth or at the very least he
looks like he's suffering from bleeding gum disease. So you
take the candy out.
Then, wouldn't you know it, some bratty kid comes by and teases
you about your snowman having gingivitis so you have no choice but
to remove one of the large pieces of charcoal from Frosty's face and
hurl it at the punk. Now all you're left with is a gigantic
mountain of lily-white snow with one lone black piece of charcoal on
it.
That's how Jameka feels, folks. She's the only chocolate
chip on a vanilla cupcake; the one mocha crayon in a box filled with
flesh-tone and peach.
BB should bring Marvin in. That's the least they could
do. Not only would he keep Jameka strong if she felt the urge
to give up in the game and throw out the white flag (symbolic in its
own right), but he would also use his experience as a funeral
director to let her know there are worse things than being the lone
pinto bean in a sea of sour cream. There's being dead, for
instance.
As far as Joe goes, I only know one thing about him. He has
large nipples.
And by large I mean the size of Saturn. With all its
rings. After it's merged with Pluto, Venus, and Mars.
Really, really big.
Kail has nominated Carol, one of the dancers, and Amber, the
cocktail waitress. I don't know why because we missed that
part. All I know is that Carol is pretty.
And has big knobs.
Just not as big as Joe's.
All I know about Amber is that I wouldn't have picked the first
night of Live Feeds to go without makeup.
The evening was spent with Carol and Amber working the other HGs
for votes. No one wants to commit until after the POV
competition tomorrow.
 The bully twist has been revealed, but
the bullies themselves aren't all that scary. Well, except for
Dick, a metal detector's worst enemy. Evil Dick is indeed
the father of Daniele, and they haven't spoken for a couple of years
- no one knows why yet.
My guess is that Evil spent his daughter's entire inheritance on
tattoos just when the poor girl needed some big bucks for a
stint in a clinic for eating disorders.
Instead of being able to get professional treatment for her
problem, she's had to resort to entering the BB house for a gradual
three-month weight gain. At least we know this method has a
high success rate.
Other enemies are dance rivals Carol and Jessica. Only they
don't hate each other because they are competitors in the haven of
high kicks. No, they're not speaking because one of them still
owes the other one $5 she borrowed in junior high. Let me
repeat that. They are mortal enemies because one still owes
the other five bucks.
Here, girls:
Now get over it.
The only other feuding couple consists of "Jumbo Nipple" Joe and
his ex-boyfriend Dustin. Accusations of infidelity have been
flying around on both sides. Right now I'm partial to Dustin
because he has this adorable little puppy dog look:
while Joe - well, Joe doesn't.
Unless the puppy is a chihuahua you found in Puerto Vallarta who
happens to bear a striking resemblance to Stephen Colbert.
The HGs don't stay up too late the first night of feeds, which
doesn't bode well for Showtime Two. What are they going to do
when presented with two hours of snoring every night? The
HGs do have the POV tomorrow so most of them want a good
night's sleep. Dick is the only one who stays up until dawn,
and for a minute we get to see the raw skin layered under the
tattoos as he tears up thinking about his damaged relationship with
his daughter.
We also get to see his awesome manicure, which screams "cocoa
chic."
After Dick cries a bit over Daniele, he begins to sob
uncontrollably when he can't remember the words to "White
Rabbit." Of course, I know it by heart, but who's asking.
He wants to know because the setting for the house and yard was
inspired by the story "Alice in Wonderland." The idea came to
the producers when Kaysar left his All-Star hookah behind.
It was furthur developed when everyone agreed that the White
Rabbit was the most interesting character in the story, and after
years of playing Second Banana to Alice, he now deserved his
due.
And from what I can tell so far, he's definitely a better dresser
than certain houseguests.
The designers from BB's horticulture department were going
to pay homage to the WR and asked him to come in before
the first show to pose for a topiary. He was a
no-show (his excuse being that he was late, he was late, for a very
important date) so the Bunny was called in as a last-minute
replacement. Here I am immortalized in leaf:
And here I am after I finally got Evil Dick to go to bed,
clearing the way for a visit from my wascally wabbit boyfriend:
I think they did a brilliant job of capturing my likeness,
although keep in mind that the camera adds ten pounds.
Just between you and me, the real reason behind BB choosing this
particular theme lies in the words of author Lewis Carroll
himself:
"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice
remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad
here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said
Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come
here."
That says it all, doesn't it?
Hoppy trails,
All photos courtesy of TVClubhouse. Thanks, guys!
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Daniele Wins Gold; Jen Has Midas Touch
Live Feed Summary for Friday, July 6, 2007
The
entire day today was spent on the Power of Veto Challenge. The
players were HOH Kail, nominees Carol and Amber, and random picks
Daniele, Jameka, and Nick. Jessica was the Emcee.
Replicas of the POV medal were hidden around the house and each of
the six contestants were instructed to locate them. The
problem was they couldn’t find
them.
Seriously.
They
searched up and down for over five hours. That's right -
FIVE HOURS! Give me that much time and not only can I find six
little medals but I can knit a blanket big enough for a king-size
bed and then wrap myself up in it for a four-hour nap. With time to
spare.
Or at least I could if I could knit.
All this time,
the HGs who weren’t involved in the challenge were locked in a
bedroom engaged in a game of Twenty Questions. In five
hours it was more like Nine Hundred and Twenty Questions but that’s
not the point. The main issue here is that seven innocent
people were imprisoned in a room/cell for hours on end all because
the POV medal searchers couldn’t do the job without the assistance
of a police dog. For shame.
Here's what the house looked like after the challenge was
over:
Look away from the plumber's crack, people, and focus on what
looks like Pete Townsend's hotel room in 1969.
In the end, Daniele came out the winner. At press time, she
was leaning toward keeping the nominations the same, so with that
information in hand, Carol and Amber began campaigning in
earnest.
It was soon obvious to everyone that Carol, the daughter of a
state senator, was taking the loss of the POV badly. She had
one crying jag after another, taking breaks only long enough to rant
at the cameras: "Leave me alone! I want to take a baseball bat to
every f---ing one of them. F--- you!"
Uh-oh. Daddy might want to keep his
little girl off the next Senatorial campaign trail.
She turned to Zach for
comfort, who in turn approached Kail about the household’s general
aversion to Jen, planting a seed to replace Carol on the block with
Girl on Bull Jen - aka Jenius aka Jenuine, Jenetics, and
Jenuflect.
Yeah, Jen
brought in a collection of t-shirts emblazened with phrases
that play on her name.
She’s trying to patent them so she can sell them on her website
after she gets famous from her BB appearance. The BB standing
for “Big Brother” and not “Boys on Bulls” which isn’t actually on
the market but could be if Dustin and Joe ever make
up.
I know that Jen aka Jenerous aka Jenitals
thinks that these shirts are oh-so-cute. However, whenever I
see one I just think the girl can’t
spell.
Carol also sought comfort from
Dustin. She told him that the game is destroying her, and that
she’s not cut out for reality TV. (BB needs to add a question
to its application: Are you sure you’re cut out for
this?) She goes on to talk about baseball bats and what she
wants to do with them, and then she admits she gave up a good life
to enter the house. “I was so happy then,” she
shares.
Dustin, stroking her hair, encourages
her to see the positives of her present situation, and to
concentrate on enjoying what time she has left in the house.
She can’t, she says, unless she’s taken off the block this week and
not put on again next week.
Oh,
that.
Speaking of Dustin, I’m afraid he’s
brought a bit of trouble to my life. Trouble in the way of
L-O-V-E. Yes, my dear readers, I’m head-over-heels
too-weak-to-flip-back-over in love with Dusty. Sweet, gay,
Dusty.
What do you call it when that
happens? I knew I was straight when I fell in love with all
the hunks of past seasons. I came to terms with being gay when
I lusted after Janelle the last two. But what am I now?
I want Dustin, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make him want me
back. Bind my boobs? I’m up for it. Crotchless
chaps? Sign me up. Remember, I’m truly
head-over-heels. And from what I’ve heard, that’s the way gay
boys like it.
For what it’s worth, I’m doing my
best to shift my ardor to Nick. He’s got the whole “Tim Daly
on ‘Wings’” thing that usually does it for me. Not to be
confused with the other guy on “Wings” who had way too much plastic
surgery before he went on “Studio 60.” Don't scoff; you know
it's true.
I’m thinking the producers should get me
in that house for just one night so I can make a man or a woman or
whatever out of Dustin. You saw me hooking up with my hare-y
boyfriend, right? I might be a little green around the hedges,
er, edges, but I know my stuff. Trust me, Dustin would be
screaming for more Hop on Pop. They all do.
Once again for your perverted enjoyment:
If BB won’t make it happen, then I’m not sure they’re going to
get a showmance this year. There might be something clicking
between Daniele and Nick, but other than that I would highly
recommend they take my suggestion to bring in Marvin. He would
be all over Jameka in a New York minute. He’s all about the
booty, and let’s face it - baby got
back.
Speaking of Jameka, listen to
this.
Me: Knock, knock
You: Who’s
there?
Me: Jameka
You: Jameka
who?
Me: Jameka me crazy!
Not
funny? Gee, it killed in Ocho Rios,
mon.
As far as house hook-ups go, I have to admit
that I’m a little worried about Dustin and Joe. They pretend
to hate each other to the other HGs, but I caught them engaged in a
little “spank me with the towel” today. It broke my heart to
see that (1) they may both be lying about being enemies, and (2)
Dustin is really, truly gay.
I know, I know. I shouldn't hold on too tight to the
dream.
Out in the hot tub, Carol tells those who are
soaking that she can’t campaign for votes. “I can’t make
deals, like, what can I do for YOU?”
Here we go again. Another season of “DO
YOU NOT EVER WATCH THIS SHOW?!”
Deal - or it’s the door,
sister. Take a page from the book of Nicole. Start
giving those backrubs and toe tickles.
Nick
revealed to the others that he enjoys doing caricatures of
celebrities. “I’ve mailed a couple and gotten them
autographed, like Sally Field, for instance.” OMG! Sally
Field! Do you not LOVE HER on “Brothers and Sisters?”
But I hope the caricature wasn’t from B&S or even of her
character on “ER.”
And I hope his drawing of her wasn't when she’s
standing on top of that box in “Norma Rae” - she really didn’t have
it altogether fashion-wise in that moment. Hopefully, he went
retro with his picture, digging way back to her “Gidget” days.
Her cheeks were way more pinch-able then.
Very Valerie Bertinelli pre-Jenny Craig.
Here's Sally in the bathing suit April wore in Season 6:
I know someone still has a picture of that. It was pink,
remember?
 It turns out that
Nick sent Sally a penciled sketch of herself as Sister
Bertrille. He drew her dressed in her habit, standing before
the Gates of Hell with a smile on her face. On the bottom he
added a caption: “Happiness is a warm nun.”
Okay, he didn’t really, but he should
have.
Tonight Jen and Mike decided to stage a date
with each other. Jen got dressed up in a tight cocktail
dress and high heels. She was all aglow. And not
just from the excitement about her date with a male
model. She was also coated in a thick sheet of body
glitter.
You really can't tell how it looked from the picture
above. It was actually more like this:
It’s good to see Jen smiling now because she may find out soon
that her fellow HGs are gunning for her to be the next to go.
They’re miffed at her for getting into a fight with Dick. Jen
hates to be around people who smoke, and Evil’s never far from a
cigarette. She told him not to touch her because she didn’t
want to “get his cancer.” Again, I feel the need to
educate. Jen, darling, smoking isn’t the same as chicken
pox. You should know that. You’re a Jenius.
By the way, I need to share some important HG information with
you. Amber asked Dustin the question everyone else was afraid
to: "How big is it?"
Dustin: Seven inches hard.
Amber: Can I see it?
Dustin: No.
Amber: Why not? I really want to see it.
Dustin: Nope. I'm a grower, not a show-er.
And all these years I thought that was a gardening phrase.
Hoppy trails,
Thank you to Tera, Ryn, Bonza, and Seamonkey for the excellent
BB photos.
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Eric the Red
Live Feed Summary for Saturday, July 7, 2007
Just so you know, Jen isn't the only one with self-fullfilling
prophecy t-shirts.
Most of today was spent lounging around the backyard soaking up
the sun. Zach ended up with a horrible sunburn after Eric
convinced him to coat his chest in oil. Eric lathered up his
face in Crisco and suffered the same results. Now he's more
lobster than leprechaun.
Speaking of Zach - Nick, get out your sketch pad. I think I
see a major celebrity in the house.
Anyway, as I said, the BB contestants spent the day baking in the
sun. I'll give you one guess who this is:
Hint: Umbo-jay Ipples-nay
There was some strategizing this evening between Kail,
Mike, Zach, and Nick. The four of them decided to form an
alliance. Kail, thinking that Amber will be a bigger threat to
their group down the line, pushed to evict her over Carol this
week. However, Zach said at this point in the game it doesn't
matter who goes.
Dick observed that Kail and Mike were both quiet players and
shared his theory with Dustin and Amber. "They're playing the
same game. I know they're working together. It's the
Mrs. Robinson alliance."
Koo koo ka choo.
The HGs were surprised with a storage room full of
food at midnight. Those on slop start grabbing and cramming
with the exeption of Daniele.
 Bet you can eat just one.
I was hoping that Daniele would go all bust-o on the food after a
week on slop, seeing as how her clothes are literally falling off
her:
 Be careful, Dani. You could kill
someone with that shoulder blade.
While the other HGs were feasting, Dustin sulked in the
backyard alone. Amber had scolded him for talking too much to
other people before getting his stories straight with her.
But then he thought about this.......
........realizing that it wouldn't go against his gayness to get
it on with a rabbit. No one ever really knows what sex they
are anyway, and they sure as heck have a reputation for
all-nighters.
Dustin quickly perked up.......
.......giving me a new screensaver - one I'll keep until he
becomes a show-er, not just a grower, and someone captures it on
film.
Mike scheduled another Date Night for tonight, this one with
Amber. He picked her up and gave her flowers he snatched from
the BB set decor.
 I never did acid in college but I have
trouble with flashbacks nonetheless - and right now I'm having one
of Krista the night she bought flowers for Boogie.
The only thing missing from the picture is a bottle of Nyquil to
water them.
Also spending quality time together were Eric and
Jen. At least I think Jen was there. I never heard her
since Eric rambled on and on and ON to the point that the poor girl
might as well have spent the time manufacturing a few more
shirts.
Eric is getting on all the HGs' nerves with his whining, and he's
getting on mine, too. I'm thinking I don't want him playing
the game for me anymore, and since I'm part of America, I want the
option to select a new contestant to represent my country. How
quick could we get Johnny Depp in there? I would have no
problem with his voting on my behalf. Except with Dick and his
fascination with all things pirate, it might be a bit risky for
Johnny, not to mention Nick would be begging BB for pencils.
To give Eric his due, the only real excitement of the night came
when he lost his temper with the other HGs (mainly Joe)
because they barracaded the bedroom door and wouldn't let him
in. I guess they thought with all that Crisco on his face he
could slide right under the door. At any rate, he was rankled
and it showed. Actually, it didn't really show because he was
already red in the face from, you know, the Crisco.
 The only other interesting moment
of the night came when Dustin insisted on spinning the backyard
teacup around and around and around until he finally killed Dick.
Not to worry. Dick's death was only temporary since he has
the same anatomical make-up as Keith Richards and
cockroaches.
The HGs called it a night after being entertained with a ghost
story by Joe. Apparently he doesn't know that ghosts are
soooo BB All-Stars.
Hoppy trails,
Bunny hugs go to MyTwoCents, Tera, Seamonkey, and Sunshyne4U
for the photos.
More info on BB8 available at SirLinksalot: Big Brother 8
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