Carol of the Bells

Live Feed Summary for Sunday, August 27, 2006

Jingle bells!  Jingle bells!  It's Christmas in the BB house!

The HGs are excited to face a backyard filled with holiday decorations and gifts galore. Fortunately, George Washington was available to give out the packages. 

All are thrilled with the surprises contained in each box, although Danielle is a bit confused by the gift certificate to Betty Ford Center. 

Will and Boogie get the best gift of all: a visit from Will's television hero, Neil Patrick Harris aka Doogie Houser. 

He may not be a real doctor, but he DOES play one on TV - and he's selflessly giving his time and medical expertise to assist in performing separation surgery on Siamese Chilltown. However, he wants to do a little research beforehand to be sure that Boogie will be able to function with the use of his own brain. 

Doogie comes to the party bearing other gifts as well, like a personal earwax digger for Mike Boogie,

a neck for Danielle,

and a new outfit for George to wear on the next Live Show.

You know, I had no idea that Neil Patrick Harris was such a big BB supporter until someone clued me in that he even has his own Janie doll.

The happy day soon turns sour when Erika breaks the news to Danielle that she plans on nominating her tomorrow during the Veto ceremony. Dani doesn't take the news well and turns to beer to help her deal with the stress of the game. After imbibing a little too much, she corners George in the hot tub, sharing her feelings of betrayal. "I had Erika's back! She scumbagged me! She won't get my vote in the end!" The more she drinks, the more she rants - and the more she rants, the worse she sounds.

Reputation clean-up on Aisle 5!

As she raves on and on with her back to the door, she doesn't notice when Erika comes outside. Erika sits quietly on the couch and listens to Danielle as she tortures poor George with her repetitive droning. After a long while, Dani turns around to see that Erika has heard the rampage. 

Chicken George, feeling like there might be a storm brewing and being well aware that lightning does indeed strike twice, leaves the backyard in a hurry.

Danielle turns her attention to trying to persuade Erika not to go through with her nomination decision. She cries, she threatens, she begs. Erika listens for as long as she can, then she, too, retreats inside the house. As she runs to the HOH room, Will follows to find out what's wrong. 

They barricade themselves inside the room, and as Erika tearfully explains to Will that Danielle is more than a little upset about Erika's expected game move, Danielle comes to the door and begins to ring the doorbell incessantly. 

After all, it IS Christmas - what would the holiday be without bell ringers?

The two refuse to let her in, and instead go to the HOH bathroom where they can somewhat shut out the noise of the bell. "What am I doing here?" asks Will. "I had a good life - now I'm holed up in the bathroom listening to someone ring a doorbell over and over and over!" 

No. of times Neil Patrick Harris has said, "Don't call me Doogie!": 7 million

No. of times Danielle has rung the HOH doorbell:  About the same

"She's crazy!" says Erika. "Well, now you REALLY have to nominate her," says Will. 

Danielle finally gives up and goes to bed, but Will is afraid to leave the HOH room. "Can I sleep here tonight? I don't want to run into Danielle." Erika agrees, and Will curls up beside her. 

Realizing that Boogie failed to follow through on yesterday's Operation DD instructions, Will reaches for Erika's hand to complete his friend's assigned mission. "Do you mind if I do this?" he asks. "You want to hold my hand? Really?" asks Erika. She says she's okay with it, and hand in hand, the two of them drift off to sleep.

Memo to Dr. Doogie: Please cancel that surgery.  In the case of Chilltown, two heads are definitely better than one.

Hoppy trails,

(Photos courtesy of Hober & Sunshine4U)
 
 

Deck the Halls with Boughs of Houser

Live Feed Summary for Monday, August 28, 2006

Dear Santa,

It has come to my attention that the BB7 HGs were able to close their eyes and wish for Neil Patrick Harris to magically appear in their holiday stocking. This takes Christmas to a whole new level. 

Had I known that people could be delivered via sleigh to my house rather than just the same old stuffed bear or My Little Pony, I would have most certainly taken advantage of this unadvertised perk before now.

But better late than never, right? Therefore, I would like to request that I, too, wake up next December to find Neil Patrick Harris standing over my bed. Even better would be Neil Patrick Harris bearing gifts FROM Neil Patrick Harris.

Of course, in one of the finely wrapped packages, I would hope to find a writing contract for a few episodes of "How I Met Your Mother." Unfortunately, that would mean that someone on the staff would have to be fired in order to make room for me, making some guy's Christmas really suck.

Therefore, I am willing to settle for Neil Patrick Harris bringing me the names of the BB8 HGs ahead of schedule so I can get a good head start on former employer interviews and police file research. Not to mention tracking down any nude photos circulating on the internet.

Also, Santa, not to be greedy or anything, but a quick "Whaddup, Bunny?" phone call from Mr. Johnny Depp would be a nice holiday bonus. You see, he's avoided me since our one-night stand when the whips and chains got a little out of hand. For the past year and a half, he's been telling people that I scarred him for life, both literally and figuratively, and I would like to apologize. I would also like to try again, this time including Bunky. I promise to be gentle.  At least at first.

I hope that isn't too much to ask for. I would be happy to return all the crappy gifts I've gotten in the past in exchange for a little NPH Christmas magic. Plus, you have my word that I won't call him Doogie.

Which reminds me:  please don't get mixed up and send Boogie instead.  I've seen too much of him already.  Just between you and me, he's running the risk of over-exposure. 

Hoppy holidays,

(Photo courtesy of Hamsterlady)
 
 
 
 

Let Them Eat Steak!

Live Feed Summary for Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The HGs are excited about getting the five-star dinner they won in the last Food Challenge.  It will soon be delivered to the house and all are getting dressed up for the occasion.

This means that George will finally get to learn that buttons are your friend.

Janelle looks resplendent in red, although I'm perplexed by her decision to don the America's Choice crown she received a few weeks ago.  However, I am truly proud of her for encouraging women to include a breast self-examination as part of every special occasion.

The dinner is magnificent.  It even includes a bottle of Dom Perignon, which means that Papaw's getting a full plate of distilled possum innerds tonight.  Yum, yum - them's good eats.  Cheers to BB for minimizing this week's moonshine purchase.

The night goes smoothly.  Everyone chats, toasts the season, and puts the game aside for a few hours.  The only glitch in the evening comes when Will and Janelle feed each other dessert.

I'm a firm believer that the only time one should spoon-feed his or her Signficant Other is when you're visiting them in the nursing home.  The only other time it's appropriate is when your girlfriend has no arms.  That's it.  Just two.

The evening ends early with Will, Janelle, Erika, and Boogie piling into the HOH bed together.  Don't worry - it's all in fun.  Janelle and Will are just innocently flirting, and Boogie no longer needs Erika now that he's trained his own feet to get the job done.  Here he does some blindfold exercises to help get them ready for their first nighttime workout.

George goes to bed alone, and Danielle uses the time to hide behind the couch outside and smoke.  That way we can't see her.  (And don't think for a minute that that can't be anybody's robe.)

I think it's a wise decision that Danielle has chosen to hide her smoking because with Janelle doing public service for breast exam promotion, it would be a shame for Danielle to take the opposite approach by setting a bad example in front of America's impressionable youth.  Better to do it behind their backs, or rather behind the back of the chaise lounge.

Therefore, I refuse to let anyone know where Danielle is hiding or what she's doing back there.

Because as anyone will tell you, your secrets are always, ALWAYS, safe with me.

Hoppy trails,

(Photos courtesy of Moxygen & Julip)
 
 
 

Top Five Reasons Danielle Will Be Evicted Tomorrow Night

Live Feed Summary for Wednesday, August 30, 2006
 

(5) Just another Anita Ward wanna-be trying to ring my bell

(4) Won't Work for Food

(3) Still no neck

(2) Wants to get to Ft. Lauderdale in time for the filming of the next "Wild Girls" video

And the Number One reason Danielle will be evicted tomorrow night:

Due to the hand she played in the depletion of the country's moonshine,

my man Jethro is really, REALLY bummed about the loss of his Friday night pickled possum peckers.

Hoppy trails,

(Thank you, TVClubhouse, for providing photos!)
 
 

One Less Bell to Answer, One Less Egg to Fry

Live Feed Summary for Thursday, August 31, 2006

So long, Danielle. Tonight we will drink to your magnificent game play, provided you remembered to wash all your empty glasses. 

And whenever we hear the tinkling of a little bell - or even long, incessant, unending rings that drive us to purchase super sound-absorbant headphones - we'll know that you're trying to tell us that some angel, or maybe Jase, is getting wings.

And speaking of wings, we wish a fond farewell to you, too, Chicken George. Even though you were bound to get plucked sometime, we all hate to see you fly the coop. 

I know it wasn't easy being green, 

but no matter how many times you were caught with egg on your face, you always remained sunny-side up. 

May good things come to you by the bucketful.

Hoppy trails,

Blame It On the Boogie

Live Feed Summary for Friday, September 1, 2006

So to recap the last Double Eviction Live Show, Danielle was booted out by a unanimous vote during the first half-hour. She left with a good attitude and a big smile on her face, anxious to get on a plane where all those tiny bottles of vodka, gin, and whiskey awaited her. 

Just kidding. I think Danielle hit the bottle a little harder than she normally would because she was under so much stress playing the game. I know that downing a few extra glasses of wine every night wouldn't have done it for me. I would have pulled my own eyeballs out in that house. I've already yanked out all my hair just watching the live feeds - and since being fluffy is my trademark, that's saying a lot.

Danielle wasn't the only player who showed signs of stress - most of the others have done the same. James bit his fingernails to the quick while he was there, and Janelle has taken her frustration out in the form of ice cream. Miss Superworld Superbike has become a tiny bit supersized. 

It will all work out okay. James' nails will grow back and Janelle will lose the extra pounds. Bunny will be sporting a full coat of fur by BB8 and her eyeballs will forever remain intact.

After Danielle's eviction, the HGs were called into the backyard for the next HOH competition. Being another Q&A challenge, Janelle won effortlessly, scoring a perfect 100. As the new HOH, she was asked to quickly make her nominations. Will coached her to put Erika and George on the block, and she did.  Where there's a Will.....

Next came the POV contest. It involved untying knots in a rope. Will jumped way ahead of the others, which was no surprise considering how he miraculously never gets himself tied up in knots in the game of BB. Unfortunately, his thumb got caught in the rope (another BB accident!) and he lost to Erika.

Erika took herself off the block and Janelle nominated Boogie to take her place. Will and Erika voted George out of the house, and like Danielle, he exited with a smile - mostly because he could smell Original Recipe KFC on the other side of the door.

After the show ended, the HGs competed in another HOH competition. Boogie won this one. Erika asked him not to put her on the block. "If you do," she said, "it will look like we have a 'ho-mance.'" Don't worry, Erika. Those of us in Internet Land know you haven't taken your relationship with Boogie to that level. If anything, you've simply had a "toe-mance."

Later, in the HOH bed, Boogie told Erika that he will be spending a lot of time in Atlanta after the show is over. He plans to open a new restaurant there, and having a long-distance relationship wouldn't be easy. I think she said she wanted to try anyway, but I got sidetracked thinking about eating at restaurants owned by guys who are constantly sticking their fingers in their ears. Ear wax bouillabaisse, anyone?

Just kidding. Here's where I set the record straight. Boogie's problem with his ear was a result of the first Food Challenge. Remember when he had to stick his head in a trough of slop? Since that day, he's been trying to get this tiny dollop of slop out of his eardrum, and the sludge won't budge. He's tried every tool available to him: his finger, Howie's light saber, Erika's toe - but nothing works. Now his bad ear has grown to twice the size of his other ear due to all the pulling and prodding. That's why he's always wearing a hat. Lop-sided ear camouflage.

Today is the Nomination Ceremony, and Boogie promptly chooses Erika and Janelle as the potential evictees. Erika is crushed that Boogie's allegiance still lies with Will rather than her, and Bunny worries that Erika will no longer be able to wear sandals in public again now that Boogie has brought shame to her lower extremities.

Erika, I'll be here for you when you get out of the house and find out that Boogie is oogie. I can't actually let you cry on my shoulder - you know, because I've got the new coat growing in and all (and when it gets wet, the fur just won't lay right). But I promise to go with you to Atlanta to let the air out of his tires or maybe put sugar in his gas tank or even picket his new restaurant about that bouillabaisse.

Hoppy trails,

More info on BB7 available at  SirLinksalot: Big Brother 7 All Stars