Live Feed Summary for Sunday, July 20, 2008

Michelle Downs the Hatchet

As the sun comes up this morning, last night's lovers are still relishing the tingle.

Ollie dreams that their "wild abandonment" lovemaking will result in a little boy who looks exactly like him......

.....while April wakes up to visions of a little girl who looks exactly like her.

Of course, from what we've learned via Libra's situation, we know that both dreams can come true.

The POV Ceremony is held early today, and there are no surprises.  Michelle leaves both Dan and Steven in the nomination chairs, and apologizes to them for her decision, breaking down in tears.

Steven, upset about remaining on the block in spite of all his campaigning, wants his attire for today to reflect his feelings.  He's been strong throughout the process, but deep down he's hurt.  So he dons a hat that says "hard nougat on the outside" but searches through Renny's suitcase to find an orange shirt-matching feather boa that says "soft creamy center on the inside." 

In other fashion news, Keesha wonders aloud why her local hospital fired her for altering her Candy Striper uniform.

And Jessie proves that even though his favorite leprechaun shorts have grown too small, he can still do a mean Irish jig.

Later in the day, Ollie tells April that he has a nickname for her.

Ollie:  I'm going to call you "A".

April:  For "awesome"?

Ollie:  No, because you always bring your "A" game.

: I thought it was for "About to find out the world knows you curl your toes during intercourse."

Hoppy trails,

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Live Feed Summary for Monday, July 21, 2008

 Slip Slidin' Away

Memphis begins the morning wondering if wearing a hat with just his first initial will be enough to prompt Jessie to remember his name. 

April shares with Ollie that Jerry crawled into her bed with her during the night.  For some reason she finds this creepy.  I just think the guy was cold.  Remember, people, his circulation isn't what it used to be.

April may be exaggerating somewhat since the internet feeds only showed Jerry lying down on her bed and then giving her a hug.  But regardless, she feels the need to wash off Jerry's cooties in a backyard round of Slip 'n' Slide.

Unfortunately, tragedy strikes.

April is injured when the breasts that have been there for her in good times (see Ollie) and in bad, fail to cushion the blow.

She later checks to see if one was lost in the process.

While Ollie anxiously awaits the outcome. 

And Jerry shows how his role in a Korean War battle left his own left nipple hanging by a thread.

Later, Jessie lets us in on what a lucky girl might come across waiting for her in his bedroom.

While Steven fashions a mold (image actual size) of what's in his pants.

Then forgets his mother's warning never to play with plastic dry cleaning bags.

In strategy news, Memphis has formed a foursome made up of contestants Jessie, Michelle, Angie, and himself.  He dubbed it "Team Bad Ass" or TBA for short, which normally stands for "to be announced" - so if there's any confusion in future summaries, I apologize. 

Angie tells Memphis that she doesn't think Jerry and Renny should be the next ones to go.  "I'd like to see Libra's face if she's handed her bag and shown the door," she says.

In another part of the house, Libra is telling April that she thinks Angie should be booted next.  "I don't trust her," she says.

Will Libra get evicted first?  Or will Angie?  Answer TBA.  (See, it's happening already.)

Jessie gathers his fellow HGs to tell them that he saw an alien in the mirror.  "He had a big round head and a skinny body!"

I believe him.  Although I think what he saw wasn't actually an alien. 

But close.

Hoppy trails,

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Live Feed Summary for Tuesday, July 22, 2008

April's Assets Allure Alien

Keesha begins the morning talking to Memphis about her pet guinea pig.  "His name was Fred and I took him everywhere with me.  I even took him to Vegas once in my suitcase."  Word has it that Fred survived the trip but was never quite as quick on his hamster wheel after the acute loss of oxygen.

Jessie shares that he had a rough night last night.  Memphis tells the others that Jessie had to sleep with the lights on because seeing the alien shook him up.  This comes as quite a surprise, Jessie being a card-carrying member of Team Bad Ass and all.

BB tells the HGs to "dress to impress" for a surprise.  They do so and then gather in the living room where they are treated to an interview on "The Late Night Show with Craig Ferguson."  Mention is made of the HGs' first night in the house, when April announced to the others that her breasts were real and invited all her new roomies to squeeze them.  Jerry took her up on it, of course, having not been offered an opportunity like that since Joey Heatherton visited the troops in 1951.

Here he is right before he made his move.

April expresses her dismay that her decision to serve up her assets for everyone to sample has been made public. She cries, "My father is watching!" - which is probably a GOOD thing because maybe after Daddy saw Jerry squeeze the Charmin, it upset him enough to turn off the TV and the internet, making him unaware that his little girl has been getting her jollies with Ollie's lolly. 

Later in the day, the alien returns, and Jessie is able to make friends with it after Memphis assures him that the little guy is just there for workout tips. 

After Memphis follows Jessie's instructions not to look, the alien is given a lesson in how to get girls by making your nipples wink.

The quick learner immediately tries it on April with much success.  She's turned on enough to invite him to follow Jerry's example and go for the grab. 

Instead he proposes a three-way.

She and Ollie agree, but are none too pleased when they discover that aliens don't even have genitals.

Talk tonight revolves around the impending eviction. Keesha has formed a bond with Steven and doesn't want him to be voted out.  Renny also likes Steven and hates to see him go.  The two discuss how they will miss him and both begin to cry. 

Those on slop are allowed to eat at midnight.  Angie eats too much too quickly and throws up.  Not as much as Ollie did when the alien started doing his new titty-wink trick, but enough that others were concerned about her well-being.

Before bed, Steven thanks Keesha for her support and resigns himself to leaving tomorrow.  He apologizes to her for not being able to save himself from eviction, but neglects to apologize to ME for taking away my chance to play Butt Bongo.

Hoppy trails,

--------------------------------------------------------------------Live Feed Summary for Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Git Along, Little Steven

(Sung to the tune of "Whoopie-Ti-Yi-Yo")

As I was a-strollin' one mornin' for pleasure
I spied a bullrider a-ridin' along
His hat was throwed back and his spurs were a-jinglin'
And as he approached me he's singin' this song

Whoopee-ti-yi-yo, you dogies can suck it
I'll leave you these words as I walk out the door                                    Derriere is my porno password                                                             It's not delivery, it's DiJourno for shore

I did what I could to try to convince you                                           To keep me a part of the game with you all                                          I dressed up in tin foil and ran around nekkid                                     And then wrapped my head in a plastic wrap ball

What more could I do as the life of the party                                   What more could I do to keep you in laughs                                       I'm headin' back home to the rodeo circuit                                             Where I get more love from a herdful of calves

Hoppy trails, Cowboy,

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Live Feed Summary for Thursday, July 24, 2008

Jock On the Block

Keesha is the new HOH after winning a question-and-answer challenge last night about missing items in the house.  She won on the question "What's missing the most from this season as compared to, say, Season 8?"  She correctly answered, "The angelic presence of the Bunny."

Maybe it's just me, but a beat-up van stuck in the wall just doesn't compare to furnishings like this:

Keesha was also able to take the prize after getting down to the Final Two with Libra, who went out on the question: "Which HGs are so into each other that they blindly throw caution to the wind with illumination-by-flood-light consummation?   Not to mention the added risk of skipping the rubber johnny?"

Libra answered "April and Ollie," which was certainly a good guess.  However, the correct answer, of course, was:

The HGs wake up early this morning for a Food Competition in the backyard that involves sock-matching.

Ollie forgets about the game long enough to go on a search for all the white tubes, crews, and anklets he's lost during frantic wanton lovemaking.

You know how it goes.  One minute your sock is there:

And the next minute, it isn't.

Sadly, many a good man has been a victim of spasmodic sock loss.

At the end of the Food Comp, the HGs are delighted with the long list of consumables they've won:  meats, fruits, vegetables, breads, beer.  Michelle is particularly overjoyed to know they will be getting pigs' feet as part of their grocery delivery this week.  She's Portuguese and they do love their pig parts.  It goes way back to the early days of their people, when they were originally called "Pork-tuguese."

I was able to locate an archival photograph of some of their ancient ancestors.

The HGs approach Keesha one-by-one to talk to her about the nominations.  She is intent on putting Angie on the block "because she's a 'guys' girl' instead of a 'girls' girl'."  A good excuse if I ever heard one. 

In fact, I think this kind of reasoning should be the basis of all BB nominations from now on.  Just look how the game could have turned out for BB4's Jee had he stuck with being a "girls' guy" with Jun instead of being a "guys' guy" by throwing in his sombrero with the Three Amigos. 

If BB2's Bunky had become a "guys' girl" instead of a "guys' guy" with Kent, would the two of them have gone farther in the game?  We'll never know.

I'm sure we can all agree on the reason Nakomis was one of the most popular players in BB history: No one knew if she was a "guys' girl," a "girls' guy," a "guys' guy," or a "girls' girl."  Still don't.

When it's time for nominations, Keesha puts Jessie on the block alongside Angie.  She's irritated with him because he pushed her to nominate Libra and Dan, which she didn't want to do.  She's also figured out that he's in an alliance with Angie as well as Memphis and Michelle, so this will guarantee that someone from that team will be evicted.

Of course, there's another more important reason she nominated Jessie:

Health threat from the spread of diaper rash.

Hoppy trails,

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Live Feed for Friday, July 25, 2008

Jessie Jostles to Put Keesh On a Leash

Jessie heads for the HOH room first thing this morning with the intention of swaying Keesha to take him off the block if this week's POV is used.

Even going so far as to propose:

As well as offer up his own second-rate version of Butt Bongo:

After his work is done, he spends some time alone in a pair of green tights, trying to get first-hand knowledge of how his new alien friend must feel in his skin.

BB calls the HGs together for the POV Competition, which Keesha wins.  She asks everyone to cast a vote to evict Angie, who dreams of exacting revenge on Keesha in the time-honored BB tea way.

In the meantime, Jerry continues to coach the young men of the house on poses to entice Playgirl page-turners.

Dan perfects his "Guess What I'm Hiding" look as Ollie goes for "What You See Is What You Get," which works like a charm when April walks by.

The two head undercover for the 200th time this season....

.....as Dan stays back to try something different...

....something more Burt Reynolds-on-a-bear-skin.

Hoppy trails,

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Live Feed Summary for Saturday, July 26, 2008

Jessie's String Unravels in Ring As Jerry Flings Ding at Womani-zing

Today consists of one boxing match after another as the HGs come unglued in anticipation of Keesha's use of the POV.

Round One:  Keesha vs. Jessie

Actually, Round One happened a long time ago in a Rhode Island strip joint where Michelle used to box other women while taking off her clothes.  Like most of you, I see this as proof that Michelle could have the athletic dexterity to be a threat in the game.  After all, it's hard to box and get naked at the same time. 

Even tougher to exit the ring gracefully.

But in the house, Round One happens as soon as Jessie gets out of bed.  He traps Keesha in the HOH room and yells at her to change the nominations.  When she refuses, he tries bribery, first offering her a chance to squeeze his well-toned man boobs, the enemy-distraction technique everyone has learned from Jerry:

Keesha doesn't fall for it, but Jessie doesn't give up.  He knows he can weaken her resolve with his "never-failed-me-yet" old standby: the tried-and-true titty wink. 

However, just as he readies himself for the big reveal, Memphis enters the room to report that Jerry has been overheard telling Angie that she may have the votes to stay.

Keesha summons Jerry to the room to interrogate him.  Jerry denies Memphis' allegations and promises to support Keesha's wish to have
"guys' girl" Angie evicted.  "Memphis is nothing but a womanizer," yells Jerry.  "He thinks he can come up here and sway you to do what he wants."

Which brings us to Round Two:  Jerry vs. Memphis.

Memphis hears about his new label through the grapevine.  He takes offense to it, which is somewhat confusing, since a "womanizer" is described as "one who likes to pursue women."  I always figured Memphis for a "girls' guy" but I suppose it's possible he's more of a "guys' guy" or a "guys' girl" -

or perhaps even a "gulls' guy"

or a "guy's grill."

Whatever he is, he wants Jerry to know that he's angry about being called a womanizer and engages in a smackdown with the old man.  He tells Jerry that he's coming after him, but the fight ends quickly when Jerry threatens a counter attack with his infamous "Hooter Honkers."

Other rounds ensue:  Jessie vs. Jerry, Jessie vs. Libra, Jessie vs. Dan, Jessie vs. April.  All involve Jessie wanting vote security.  Muscle men hate it when they're muscled out.

Later, there's a fight between Jerry and Michelle.  Michelle accuses Jerry of lying about what he said to Angie, and Jerry calls Michelle a snake.  The match brings the tally in the house up to approximately Round 7 or 8 - but for Michelle in general, it's more like Round seven or eight hundred, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Not that there's anything wrong with strip boxing.  In fact, it's somewhat of an art form.  Bobbing and weaving, right hooks and upper cuts - all while twirling tassels and grabbing dollar bills with your teeth - it's simply poetry in motion, if you ask me.

Hoppy trails,

Thank you to Debra, Saguaro, Estfan, MyTwoCents, StrayCat, Steviegirl, and Sunshyne4U for the photos.

More info on BB10 available at  SirLinksalot: Big Brother 10